Where have I been?

Three years ago I made a blog. At the time, I wanted a place of freedom; where I could share thoughts, reviews, and myself freely. Problem is, I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I was busy with school, still pretty unconfident in myself, easily overwhelmed, and generally a tad bit all over the place. But some years have passed; while I still feel a tad unstable, I am more grounded. I have a pretty decent understanding of what it is that I want in life, but just not the next step on how to get there.

This past December, I graduated with my B.A. in Digital Communication: public relations, and a minor in both Business Management and Professional Writing. And while I am excited to be moving onto the next chapter of my life, I can’t say it has gone exactly as I had planned.

You know when you’re little, and you imagine everything going from one phase to another phase to another. You imagine everything going seamlessly, without any hiccups. That was what I pictured graduation like. I thought “Right, I’ve got this degree now. So somehow, someway, people are just going to begin flooding to me with job offers.” And shockingly, I am still waiting for this to happen.

With a government hiring freeze postponing one career option, and a geographical problem hindering another; I got lost. As someone who always excelled at school, I was lost when grades, rubrics, and direction were no longer an option. After months of searching for a career with no real leads, my soul felt relinquished to the negative thoughts that I believed I had gotten rid of. And while I can’t say this is gone, and I can’t say that I have a whole plan figured out, I can say that I have begun to realise that everything in life isn’t on a straight path– something very hard for someone with obsessive controlling qualities and anxiety to come to terms with. There are two things that I can do. I could give up, lay in bed watching Netflix or Youtube and feel miserable about myself. All the while, still not getting a job or moving on to the next phase of my life. Or I can take some measures to get to where I want to be, and who I want to be.

That is where blogging comes back in. I love to write; it calms my anxiety, clears my head, and feeds apart of me. It is the diary on steroids. I want to start blogging about lifestyle topics that interest me through my own voice; food, books, interesting places, my journey with mental health, favorite items, whatever it may be. Because it makes me feel like I am accomplishing a goal of mine and makes me feel sane; and that is about all I can do right now.

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